She's not Chinese any more...she's American.

Are you and your child of different ethnic backgrounds?  Do you believe it is important for your child to attend Chinese school and participate regularly in Chinese cultural events?  Or are you trying hard to help her become "American?"

Technically all U.S. citizens, whether of Mexican, Chinese, or Irish heritage, are Americans.  However, historically, the term "American" has been associated with Anglo Americans.  The more stereotypically "Chinese" your child looks, the less some people may see her as truly American.

Michelle Kwan, an American figure skater whose parents are from Hong Kong, read the following news headline shortly after Tara Lipinski won the gold medal in the 1998 Olympics:  "American beats out Michelle Kwan."  Four years later, the Seattle Post declared, "Hughes Good as Gold:  American beats out Kwan, Slutzkaya."  Sadly, an American of Chinese heritage was considered a foreigner, an outsider.

Those that do not see your child as American may expect her to be proficient in Chinese language and culture.  Ironically, Americans of Chinese heritage may not see your child as "really Chinese," unless she has some basic mastery of Chinese language and culture.  Not unlike children of immigrants, your child will probably find herself in between groups, searching for a cultural identity that allows her to "fit in" somewhere.

PARENTING TIPS:  

So how do you keep your child from feeling like a complete outsider?  The key is helping her develop the skills to relate to a wide range of people.

1. Expose your child to Chinese language, culture, and Americans of Chinese descent.  Acknowledging your child's ethnic roots will help her develop a positive ethnic identity, learn the skills to confidently explore her heritage, and become more comfortable relating to other Chinese Americans, if she chooses to do so.
   
   
2. "Walk the talk."  If you are trying to teach your child that her ethnic heritage is important, remember to value the heritage of all members of the family.  Do YOU speak any languages other than English?  Do YOU know anything about your ethnic roots?  Make sure your child is not the "cultural outlet" for the family, as this will ultimately make her feel like an outsider in her own home.
   
   
3. Celebrate the diversity that is uniquely American and embrace people of all backgrounds, welcoming them into your home.  Try the cuisines of different ethnic groups.  Watch foreign films.  If possible, travel to other countries.  The message you want to send is that differences are something to be celebrated, not feared.

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